This blog has been a bit quiet lately because, to be terribly honest, I’ve been less than my sparkly self. Due to a heart-wrenching break-up, the past three weeks have been some of the most painful, lost, guilt-ridden and confused I’ve felt in a long time (if ever). I’ve been forced to draw on all of my coping mechanisms: self-help books (I’m now the proud owner of “Better Single Than Sorry”, don’t judge), yoga, journaling, loooong talks with girlfriends, (many) Sex and The City re-runs, bubble baths (and a few less than healthy things I won’t mention here). As much as I’ve resisted, I am starting to see a few positive changes coming out of what I’ve deemed “Awful April”:
1. I’ve never felt closer to my girlfriends, mom and sister. In times of crisis, we have no choice but to open up and rely on people in ways we don’t normally. Interestingly, it seems to be through that totally uncomfortable vulnerability that real closeness and intimacy are achieved. Also, friends give wise & funny advice. For example, the following exerpt from a recent discussion about weekend plans:
Me: “I’m not doing bars these days”
Friend: “That’s definitely for the best. Nothing good ever comes from upset girl at a bar.”
2. I’ve begun feathering the nest, totally de-cluttering my bedroom and closet and investing in a new mattress (If your going to be up all night crying, you better damn well do it somewhere comfy!)
3. I’ve been more creative and I can’t stop journaling. The (mostly dark) thoughts just keep pouring out of me and and are gradually becoming more positive.
4. I’ve been more active, doing heaps of yoga and running..it’s an awesome release and the endorphins aren’t so bad either.
For any readers who are also going through a scary/painful life transition, I’ve found the following quotes to be helpful:
“Life is divine chaos. Embrace it, forgive yourself, breathe and enjoy the ride.”
“Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards”
“When we are shaken out of our everyday experiences by intense emotions, we have an opportunity to rededicate ourselves to spiritual practice, and to come to terms with our lives, our relationships, and our experience of the world.”